Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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