i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
