I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
