omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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