Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
