The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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