you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
