Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
