the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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