Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
