weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
