Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
