hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
