making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
