She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
