Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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