I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
