no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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