Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
