pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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