I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
