I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
