are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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