Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
