i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
