I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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