i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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