is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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