I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
