dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
