is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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