What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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