He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
