To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
