im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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