Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
