Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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