Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
