my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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