I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
