i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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