Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
