Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
