got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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