This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
