Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
