Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
