So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
