just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
