u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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