This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I cut my penus on the lid.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
